I missed out on writing April’s round-up because life is crappy at the moment so I figured I’d put April and May together because… well this is my blog and I do what I want.
At the end of this post is a run-down of my current mental state and the reason why April and May have sucked ass through a crazy straw.
April’s reading log
I read 19 books in April but DNF’d 3 of them. Empire of the Wild, The Earl and the Enchantress and Things to do before the End of the World.
May’s Reading Log
In May I read 17 books but DNF’d 3 of them. The Gatekeeper’s Bride, The Scarred Mage and Her Blackened Soul.
April Best and Worst
April’s best was undoubtedly The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow
I may have mentioned somewhere on my blog that I am a sucker for Pride and Prejudice tellings and retellings so I was excited to read this. The Story is told from Mary Bennet’s point of view after her sister’s have fled and wed and she is left alone with her mother. Mary believes that she is the plainest of the sisters with no possible future other than her mother’s unwilling and unwanted companion. After Mr Bennet unexpectedly passes away she finds herself cast adrift destined to be thrust between the homes of her happily married sisters, until she makes a choice that is ultimately her own. It’s a little sad, a little funny but mostly a bittersweet insight into a neglected child and I cried over it. A beautiful book very well done.
I DNF’d 3 so they would count as the worst.
Empire of the Wild and Things to do both have posts for them as they were part of blog tours so if you click on the image that will take you to those pages. The Earl and the Enchantress I must admit I didn’t even get past the second chapter. I felt I was coming into a story already half told and we weren’t given enough information about what had gone on already. There were huge infodumps and the main character was shagging one woman while thinking about another. Pass.
May’s best and Worst
ALL OF US VILLAINS!!!!!
Holy smokes this book! If The Addams family did the Hunger Games directed by Quentin Tarantino you’d get All of us Villains. Set in a world where High Magic has all but vanished, only 7 families Ilvernath have the knowledge of it’s existence. That is until a tell-all book exposes the centuries old curse and thousands flock to the small town to see the challenge play out. Every twenty years each family chooses a champion to fight to the death until there is only one left standing who will win the High Magic for their clan. The champions are all children, reared to be the most vicious, the most devious and the most cut-throat of them all.
It’s brutal, it’s violent, it’s fantastic. With characters that you want to hate but still sympathise with, you can’t help but want to see what happens as alliances are formed, forged and forgotten. It is out in Nov and I will be purchasing a hard copy as soon as.
Again, as I DNF’d 3 books this month they would count as the worst.
Her Blackened Soul read like Tumblr fanfiction with no heart. Gatekeeper’s Bride was robotic and had MASSIVE infodumps and I managed to get quite far into The Scarred Mage but had to quit because the author made up a swearword “Bullspit” and used it in practically every single sentence uttered by the ‘sassy’ heroine with mommy issues. After the 36th time in 5 chapters I literally couldn’t read any more.
In April I wrote 8 Posts.
- March Round-up
- What Beauty There is
- Fid’s Crusade
- Kate in Waiting
- Empire of Wild
- Lore of Prometheus
- Things to do before the end of the World
Most of those were @the_writereads blog tours or other tours that I have joined in with.
In May I updated my blog to have my stats around the edge of my front page and I posted one review.
Social Media and joining of booktours.
In April before things went haywire I decided to try to join Xpresso Books tours, Love Books Tours and Turn the Page book tours. As well as joining Booksirens and Reedsy. This has led to no small amount of self-induced stress over posting pictures to social media and trying to read books that I requested.
However I have increased by follower count on Instagram from 130 in April to 194 at the end of May. All without doing follower trains. So well done me.
But why just the one post King Lyd? I thought you wanted to increase your blog and post at least twice a month?
Well yes I did but there is this crappy thing called Life that got in the way. Which brings to me to-
Depression, Anxiety and my Chronic Illness.
In one of my previous posts I mentioned about my sister being in hospital over Christmas with sudden blindness in one eye which culminated in her having to get an MRI and spend a few weeks in hospital.
My sister is now on steroids and had been diagnosed with M.O.G which is an autoimmune disease along the lines of MS. Although she has gained some sight back it is unlikely that she will get full sight back in that eye due to lesions on her ocular nerve. The steroids that she is taken have caused her to balloon up in weight and have given her usually cheerful and energetic disposition a ‘good kicking’. She had become lethargic and despondent and, as someone who has suffered with depression for over half my life I hate to see her like this, knowing how she feels. She is more at risk for a blood clot, more likely to get MS and the steroids mess with calcium levels so she is having bone problems especially in her legs. Recently she developed Plantar fasciitis and can hardly walk at the moment.
Understandably this has caused a little bit of stress especially since I couldn’t go with her to the hospital or stay by her side during the MRI or do much to aid her burgeoning depressive mood.
So when I realised that I had missed my last period I didn’t think too much of it. When I missed my second period I took a pregnancy test just in case (even though the chance of me procreating was slimmer that my chances of winning Miss Universe).
This caused anxiety.
Was I pregnant, what the F would I do then? I’m married but I never wanted womb goblins. Where would it sleep? I’d have to give up my library. I can’t even give it to my sister because she’s sick at the moment and couldn’t take care of it.
I suddenly had more heart palpitations and a constant barrage of worry.
It was negative. (Thank Thor and all his holy biceps) insert celebration emoji here
But then no bleeding. So I called the Dr but they only start looking if you are more than 3 months late so I had to wait. In April I finally got to have some blood tests done only to start my period on April 13th.
And it didn’t stop. For a whole month I bled like a haemophiliac in a piranha pool. Like daren’t go for a walk bleeding. Living in fear of sneezing bleeding. Multiple trips to the bathroom at night with a towel under the sheets bleeding. I calculated that in one day I had lost enough blood clots to roughly equal about a litre of blood.
After two weeks I felt weak. After three weeks I was so pale I was practically translucent and after 4 I had to go to the Dr who prescribed me with blood thickener tablets to stop the bleeding and Iron tablets because I am now severely anaemic. My joints constantly ache and I have restless leg syndrome so sleeping is a bitch.
But the bleeding stopped. Yay.
Only now I am so weak I can’t walk to work or exercise so I feel fatter and fatter and with the heat and humidity suddenly turning on like Britain just paid it’s electricity bill none of my clothes feel like they fit.
As someone whose mental illness is somewhat tied to my body image this had a VERY negative effect.
Five, Six, Seven and Eight
Body dysmorphia, disordered eating tendencies (a desperate desire NOT to have an eating disorder again leading to obsessing over every mouthful, guilt over food and denial of certain food groups) and the reappearance of Pica (the craving of non-food items such as ice, chalk and stones) have rendered my Chronic Depressive Disorder into high alert.
I burst into tears at work and have been off sick for the last few weeks.
Add to that I turned 40 in May which had hit me way harder than I thought it would. Like, I knew it was coming. I know 40 comes after 39 but I had no idea how badly those two little digits would mess with my brain.
So now I have increased weight around my hips, thighs, bum and stomach rendering all of my clothing too tight. I hate the way I look. I can’t do anything about it because I’m too tired to exercise and my joints are too painful to even do Yoga or slow walking and I look pale and drained. I have bags under my eyes that indicate I’ve gone 5 rounds with Mike Tyson.
Then… just after my brother-in-law and his amazing wife (who I adore so much!) moved to Spain to live, my mother-in-law has been diagnosed with one of the rarest forms of gastro-type endometrial cancer which means she will be going through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. (Apparently there are only 4 other people with this type of cancer in the world).
My MIL is amazing and I hate that she is going to have to go through all of this. Because of Covid restrictions, however, even her husband isn’t allowed to stay in the room with her while she has her treatments.
The boy (husband) and I will do everything we can but we feel quite helpless at the moment as we haven’t had our second Covid vaccination yet and don’t want to compromise her weakened immune system.
Sooo… that’s where I’m at. Depressed, stressed, anxious, anaemic and right on the edge of a full hysterical episode.
Basically I decided to have May off blogging so that I could at least cut one stress out of my life. June, again, will probably be sparse with posting because of reasons.
That is all for today as I think I need to go make myself a cup of tea. Hopefully things will settle down soon now I’m on increased medication and rest. We shall see.